Empty the Jug

Empty the Jug

A space to say what's been sitting unsaid, and to be heard without interruption.

Your privacy: no names, words, or any other information are stored or sent anywhere. Everything stays in your browser only. This tool is free to use.

How this works

We all carry things that haven't been said: small frustrations, worries, moments that landed badly. When those things accumulate they tend to spill out sideways, into arguments that aren't really about what they seem to be about.

This exercise gives each of you a structured chance to empty your jug, and a structured chance to receive what's in theirs.

  • 1
    The speaker adds words or short phrases to their jug: anything that's been sitting unsaid.
  • 2
    When ready, they pour the jug, and the listener receives each item one at a time.
  • 3
    The listener reflects back what they heard, without defending or explaining. Just showing it landed.
  • 4
    The jug is shown empty. Then roles swap.
  • 5
    Both of you add one word to a small bowl: something you'd like to carry forward from this.

Who fills the jug first?

The other person listens. You'll swap after.

🫙
Partner A
Fills first
👂
Partner B
Listens first

— or swap —

🫙
Partner B
Fills first
👂
Partner A
Listens first
Name's jug

Add a word or short phrase for each thing that's been sitting unsaid. It might be a frustration, a worry, something that went unacknowledged. Keep each one brief: two to four words is plenty.

Add to your jug

What's been sitting in there?

    Pouring...

    Watch the words make their way across.

    👂
    Name is listening

    What came across

    These words came from them. Reveal them one at a time, or show all at once.

    For you, listener You don't have to fix or respond to any of this right now. Just let it land. Your only job here is to show it was received.
    Reflect back what you heard

    In your own words, what came through? You don't need to repeat it back, just show it was received.

    The jug is empty.

    Take a moment with that. Then it's time to swap.

    Carry forward

    Each of you adds one word to the bowl: something you'd like to take with you from this.

    Partner A

    One word for what you'd like to carry forward.

    Partner B

    One word for what you'd like to carry forward.

    That's it.

    Both jugs emptied, both of you heard. Here's a record of the exchange.

    🫙 Carried forward